Súya

Súya means "breathe".

I came in through my door thirty minutes ago. And already I feel my body begin to relax. The pressing feeling I didn't realise was there is going, my shoulders are starting to fall down again, and my face is losing its scowl. Stockholm does bad things to me. The city has already cost me a lot, in things as well as mentally (I lost my bus/traincard that still had two months left to go - it's personal, too, so no one else can really use it without risking being fined), and only now have I realised that its soul is nowhere benign. It is grey, choking and a bit dusty, like a dead god still breathing, its heart kept beating by unnatural means. It needs rebirth.
But for now it is draining me. Even the moon is a sickly yellow there.

Here, though... I have survived the winter, and no more slippery, ice cold mornings will there be. I took my bike through the forest tonight, and then I went up on my hill and, coat open, greeted the moon, Isil, and the stars, i eleni, and the four directions, and the elements with them associated. And I greeted the night, and I greeted the fresh air (how I have missed it, pure air, no pollution), I greeted magic and I greeted life itself. I sank then, to my knees, and bowed my head to Isil, and was grateful, and felt my heart slow, my walls come down, and my mind expand again.
I am home, and it is sweet.

I breathe again.

Why must Stockholm be such a sucky city? There are no clubs, and I really mean that as in there is not one club for me. Oh, I heard Tinitus happens this weekend, but that is what, once a year? And the city itself... eurgh. It's a pity my job is there, and the practice is so good.

Lost my voice this... Tuesday? Yeah. Worked all day, no problem, a bit uneven voice, but on Wednesday, it was gone. I beat it into submission on Thursday and forced it out all day, working, and today, it was slowly returning. It still goes at times, but at least it seems to be returning. It's still too early to see what damage has been done.
Now, Thursday, I was still lucky, as the order came in early, and I could hide away from customers doing that. But dear, it wasn't fun, still.

Am, le sigh, building me an army of Noldor. 500 points, so far, and it's going to look so very good... but still. I wasn't supposed to! I just got carried away when me, Redhead and our dear third elven friend figured I'm doing a Noldor/Imladris army, Redhead is doing a Galadhrim army (and do they look AWESOME, or what...), and the charming blonde is going with Mirkwood (the Sentinels have me itch for a sewing machine and some cloth!). But... the War of the Rings game is so much FUN! I couldn't resist. It'll be led my Elladan and Elrohir, and so far consists of three companies made out of two formations each (which are in turn eight little figures each). Oh, I so look forward to it! Though I must look into colour schemes some more... I took a glance at the Fellowship of the Ring movie earlier, and I've got some ideas.

Also, I managed to get one test sent in, and now I am working on the second. Hah! And because the family is off to a big party tomorrow, on Easter, I will have all day to myself. Sunday will be dedicated to ethical cleansing, I think, in Dynasty Warriors 6. (Oh, and aye, I worked today - for some reason, we were open. Supposed to be five, yes, FIVE, working, but one called in sick. It was a great day, though! Nice staff working, we managed to get some lagging stuff done, and just... enjoy work. Not too common these days, but very, very nice, for a change).


Well... I'm home. Can't say much more than that. Miss practice, and my sword, but that's all right. I'll go biking unmotivatedly far and do lots of cutting excercises anyway. I'm home. And I walk around, remembering, and I just breathe, and smile.