Everlasting

It's very autumn-y outside. I have a small feeling of wanting to get out and take a walk in the forest with a friend, and maybe if I can shake the half-panic feeling of having to study I might. Tomorrow, I think, since today I have iai practice. I'm a bit worried about my knees, I used them more than usual last time and there's been a strange pain, kind of behind them, in the back, just above the muscles of the lower legs. I fervently hope it's just that I'm not used to using them that much, and nothing worse. I need them to work. I WILL get my nidan!


I miss wolf, too.


But there's no panic to get to Scotland this autumn. Which makes me panic. Did I miss what I was supposed to go there for? Did I silence my heart? What is it, why is it like this? I need to get there just to find out.
First, Japan, though. It's a bit nifty to just go there like this. But I hope people take heed and actually feel that this is an example that, bloody YES you CAN go anywhere and anytime and you just have to want to go there. No need to plan. Yes, take heed, you from the US and Canada who I am always bugging to go traveling, and you, everyone from here and pretty much anywhere around the world. Stop finding excuses, you sissies. If I can, so do you.


I'm all for getting out in the forest for a mini-live this weekend. Or any weekend. If I have to do it alone, it'll be me. If I can do what I want, it'll be Ynera.
Thogh as usual I expect no one else to feel the same.


Found some surprisingly good music yesterday, by one Akino Arai. Nice voice, good music. Furu Puratina/フルプラチナ/Full Platina was the cd. I think I might buy it!


It's hard to keep my mind here. It constantly finds ways to go to Glimminge or Fririke - not at the same time, mind you. I know perfectly well what I'd need (to do) to make it stay here like I need it to right now, but unfortunately I doubt that it is possible.

Good things from last week:
Tasting the best whisky I ever tasted - it was so good I thought I'd faint from sheer pleasure. Lagavulin, double distilled, special edition, 18 years wasn't it? Correct me if I'm wrong. Bottle 4/493. Gah. It was perfect. The smell, the taste, the aftertaste. And not a hint of alchohol. *dies of happiness*.
Seeing the filmatisation of "Earthsea". Surprised in a positive way. Though there were no redhead magicians to drool over, it was still a nice fantasy movie with magic and magicians and nifty clothes and all. And there only ever was one Benzarad/Gamael, after all ^-^

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Tonight, I feel alone. So very much. Why? I have talked on the phone with nice people. I practiced iai and everything went real well - the spark is back again, too. The weather is great (yes, I do think so!). Maybe... well, I didn't really go out today. I didn't see anyone. I just studied. Studied, and went to Fririke for an hour or so. In my mind, only in my mind... A lot of things happen in my mind and nowhere else. Pity, that. I am thinking of buying a nice sword from Lutel. I shouldn't. DEFINITELY absolutely not. But I'm thinking. I should be my normal me and save money for whatever else, and I should be thinking of rent and prioritize getting a shinken instead. Dear Ynera, I really loved living her life, didn't I?


I feel alone. I miss you. I bloody miss you.