Vór

...means "forever, long-lasting, ever-lasting."

Current obsession: "Gortoz A Ran - J'attends", from "Black Hawk Down". Haunting, isn't it? Sung by composer Derez Prigent and Lisa Gerrard.


I was waiting, waiting for a long time
In the dark shadow of grey towers
In the dark shadow of grey towers

In the dark shadow of rain towers
You will see me waiting forever
You will see me waiting forever

One day it will come back
Over the seas, over the lands
Over the lands, over the seas

To steal me on the trunks
It will come back full of spray
In the dark shadow of the black towers

Will come back the blue wind
To breathe my wounded heart

I will be pulled away by its blow
Far away by its stream to another land

I will be pulled away by its breath
Far away by its stream, wherever it wants

Wherever it wants, far away from this world
Between the sea and the stars.


Though I doubt this translation is entirely accurate, it will do.

Back on my island. Spent my time on the ferry writing about Isilmëarë (I was out at sea, what else to do?) and sleep in the sun through the window. Now I'm switching gear to Ynera, tricky, but needs to be done. And it's back to stress.

Stress, and memories. Paralyzing me. For good, never for bad. All the days I walked, and never knew. All I know now. It is as if, finally, what was supposed to be, is. Whisper it to the wind, as I do, and we shall see if we do not hear it. I so need to find time. Money, too, but most of all time. I'll be working as much as I can, once I get those keys. Money, money can buy me time. Time that I desperately want.

Did you know it is one year since I moved to Edinburgh? The autumn is making it unbearable. I long to go, to travel. I can't stay still, can't stay here. Please, give me the chance to go back there, where I am not done, where I still have things to see, to do, to live. Scotland, calling me, again. The world, calling me. After yesterdays iai practice, I ached to go to Japan, as well. Also, it seems I've had luck in finding an iai club, again! They have just the right philosophy, or, mainly at least. I am so happy I can practice there.
Autumn.
One year.

One year.

I never thought it'd be one year since. But now it is. I look at the pictures, and I feel an aching inside. It started out so well. And so much that was good, I never finished with (not that I finish, but, you know...). Want to go up on Arthur's Seat and look toward the Highlands, which you can see on a clear day, and look until darkness falls and I freeze to the bone. I have things to show people. Those that have not been there. But mostly, to do.

How time flies. And yet, sometimes, it has not moved at all. How I long for that temporary peace of mind. How I long for that peace of mind, which sometimes come, when at least I can have one of all the things I want. And how I long for the peace of mind I cannot ever have.


"Buckle up, Dorothy..." Yeah. Time to. There's a lrp a-coming, and I'm going to make sure it is AWESOME. Enough reminiscing. The memories will disturb me anyway, I might just as well be creative meanwhile. One meeting down, lots of sewing to go. Lots of time for introspection.