Vanima

...means "beautiful" in Quenya.

As the connection on the ferry is guaranteed to go down, I wrote the following in a text document:

"And so, I return to home. From the moment I stopped on the train platform, waiting for the train to arrive and take me to the harbour, I was close to tears. There was relief, happiness, and I could not stop smiling, though at the same time my eyes were watering. Going home!

The sun smiled upon me, the leaves were all so green, and the sea welcomed me back. I have missed it, so very much. It's always so emotional. And even though I feel a bit lonesome, because neither A and E aren't with me (and I'd love a warm hug), well... I'm going home to Gotland.

I had some less savoury news recently, that has made me think of that tricky business called "what to do in the future". I don't really want to live in Stockholm, but there is the matter of practice, and I am a member of a very, very good iaido club. My job, which isn't giving me enough to actually make a living out of (though always there's the tantalising promise of more - yet where am I now, with not one day of work in May?), feels less and less compelling, I am sorry to say. I am going to continue studying art this autumn, but what next? Since both sweethearts are in the same town now, well, that town does have a certain appeal - but it is not the town in which one can find Kensei Kensan Kai, and it's so very much farther from home.
And, Scotland calls, as always. Scotland, and Japan.

I want to have the freedom to travel there whenever I so desire. I am hoping my art will help me get to that point. I think I'm showing enough diversity that people should feel comfortable in giving me directions for commissions, and that I can also paint after my own head. I am loathe to part with my paintings - I take pride in them, but not self-aggrandising pride. I'm just really pleased with what I manage to do, and I am happy with myself and what I do, and, I want for others to be able to enjoy it, if they like. I'm, I guess, happy that I create things that I like myself, and that seems to be something others like, too!

It is hard to describe the pleasure and profound satisfaction I feel when I paint. While I paint, and when I'm done. The entire process is one of utter and complete joy. Even when in the throes of artist's block or annoyance at not finding the proper subject, or colour of paint, or blend, or the brushes refuse to cooperate... it's joy. I pour myself into it, and I emerge hours later feeling dizzy, happy and refreshed. And, sometimes, hungry and lost and confused, because I forgot to eat and drink and so on. Which is part of the enjoyment.

Some days, I feel almost an itch. An itch for a particular medium, or size of canvas, or just the feeling of a brush across an uneven surface. Well, not almost. It's there.


I'm on the ferry at this very moment of writing. I've had "A History of Scotland" playing in the background, and now, selected parts of "Return of the King".

And if there was one thing, it is that I feel, and I feel so strongly, and it hurts so much at times. Longing. I guess it's part of me, eh? Bloody pointy-ear, I am. Always the yearning for the sea, too."


Going home was a very good idea. Leaving didn't feel as much of one.
I realised I have been somewhat amiss in my showing off what Dream actually looks like. So here you are.
The photographer of the un-cropped and original photo is called Martin Olsson. The photo is somewhat relevant, as this past weekend was the pre-lrp for this years Weave of Fate, or Ödesväv. Well, one of them. Skogens Väv, or The Weave of the Forest. From the perspective of one who lrps a Fair Folk, a rather uneventful and calm lrp, though it was spiced up by the Fair Folk Queen visiting for one day, and by the flip-out, end-it-with-a-bang and growl a bit at the elves then tell them what to do-thing at the end. I kept going with the theme of making the elves grow as a people, and as individuals. Some are starting to get the hang of it, others don't. It was a bit exasperating and exhausting to have only that to do, but, it's better when there's more of us. Maple leaf was a great companion, also, said lrper is a wonderful woman who lives not far from here and has several sewing machines and a hobby room. I like the thought of what we can do together before Ödesväv...

I went swimming (or at least flopping about in the water with a piece of soap) both Saturday and Sunday. It was great, at least, after I warmed myself up with some morning semi-yoga-gymnastics. It's... summer. It creeps up on me and BAM! suddenly it's there. It was bleedin' spring just weeks ago. Oh well.

Sometimes I take a step back and think about how much time, effort and money I've poured into that one costume. It's staggering, and it makes me proud. The crown is a work of art and I love it to bits. I've worked on the costume throughout the year, too, so that it's even more elaborate and fluttery now, and, I'm making another crown and several more pieces of clothing. To be able to change around and look slightly different at any time I so desire. I am, after all, Dream, and ought to look different to any who look at me. Tricky to do with lrping, but, one can still do one's best to amaze people. Too bad the eight hours and more of pearl embroidery on the tunic-shirt-thingie doesn't really show in pictures, nor all the glitter everywhere.
But to sum it up - I'm proud of this. There is a lot of chiffon, silk and so on in this, but most of all, hard work, a thoroughly enjoyable creative process, and a lot of pride in a job well done. Thanks go out to Hunt, Farahir, otherwise known as Highelf or Zera and several other names, because without his taking me by the hand and dragging me along, this would not have happened. If you want to know more about the costume, I could write about it later, I think. Just tell me.

I'm rambling again. Will stop now.