Quëan

...means "ten" in Quenya.

Ten years ago, I set out to a bus whereon I met a gang of others with the same intent: to go out into the forest, and have fun. Most I had never seen before, one I had met just a couple of weeks ago, but we were all friends in the sense that we shared expectations, and were going on a trip into another reality.

My twentyninth larp, not counting the countless mini-events and Vampire-larps (because if I did it'd be a ridiculous amount), was fittingly enough a return exactly ten years later to one of my most beloved characters. The one who bears my name, since it was before I dared use it myself. She is me, but... more. And different. She is more nathrim, wood elf.

Ten years ago, I was excited and not too well-prepared, had to help set up a camp in darkening gloom and had a dashed troublesome time getting my own and seemingly everybody else's ears glued on too. It was cold and I was happy for my newly sewn tunic. I can't remember that I figured I could wear unlimited amounts of warming clothes underneath everything that was to be visible, so I wore two cloaks and everything in-gamey that I had brought, most of the time. Dear me, but it was cold. It had snowed when we woke up on the first morning, too. I shared a tent with Davionnialias and Amanvingon, which was a saviour in itself, as I could at least steal their warmth when I was sleeping (or trying to - by the Valar, I was cold).

This was where I met young Daerilindelea, who was to become the constant companion to Elenaria, made even more friends, and fled from orcs for the first time. It went well, just so  you know. This was where Elenaria got her first "real" memories that standing in a glorious stand against overwhelming odds... really is a stupid thing to do. Of course the roundears ran, Davio, what did you think they would do? They're not elves, you know.
I remember sitting in the camp with the druid Amanvingon, who became Elenaria's companion for the next larp, and hearing the noise of battle and cries of confusion. And I remember not being the least sad I didn't join in. I had no wish to protect the little outpost with my own life. Humans live short and die for the slightest provocation, but, as a faun later remarked, they breed like rabbits (and die like flies) which elves do not, so, no big loss.
I had a backstory, of course, but having "real", experienced, memories is even better.
I remember others being grateful I was there to tend to their wounds afterwards, saying I had been wise not to go, and being filled with a desire for vengeance against the orcs.
I remember... there being strange people, and interesting people, and being bored, and eating food, and brewing tea, and making a stew, and being cold, and finding a lovely glade which was to be the site for the elven camp the next two larps. I remember also packing up, with Amanvingon, and leaving, in game, walking away.

Ten years later, I am wise in the ways of keeping warm, my clothes and other gear has been significantly updated (as is wont to happen during ten years!), my ears are of a better quality and I am used to gluing them on, Amanvingon is long gone somewhere, Daerilin is learning magic and Elenaria had to hook up with Inninvael Nefaith - had to and had to, they met and hit it off and decided to travel together. I slept reasonably well, I kept dry, I ate well and I use every skill in the book to project the image of being a wood elf. Sound of voice, vocal and body language, way of running, clothes, makeup, thought processes and opinions... But it is still Elenaria, with many more memories, and a wisdom and caution that others do well to listen to.
Davio is dead (not that I didn't try to save him), Farilion is probably still somewhere in the woods of Danalien, perhaps hunting Ame to extinction (they killed his friend, after all) and Aicafion... well, maybe he went with him, what do I know.
Elenaria has seen Danalien and many places in it, gone with the desert elves to their home, travelled to the magical island of Mel'ora, got off that island quicker than you can say "religion" and now, decided to turn back and not continue north through Pelarnejd. And, incidentally, probably never return. For certain, the creatures of darkness didn't hunt you and want to collect your ears, but that would hardly have been worth mentioning beside all the other stuff.
I know how to keep from being bored, I know how to get to and from a site in the best way, I know how to hang out with other larpers, even those I do not know, I know how to stay healthy before, during and after, and I know the importance of sleep.

The importance of larping in my life has not diminished. I am slowly gaining confidence I can do it, and the knowledge that after the crash, I will now need one or two days of just resting, by myself, all alone, to recharge. Elenaria is still the person she has ever been, just even more so, and benefiting from my own experiences. We are one, but separate.

Ten years ago, to the weekend. How odd it turns out. I am happy for this. I didn't know that beforehand. Elenaria Cúthalion. I'm happy it all turned out so well, and that I can still let her come to the fore and she is the same.

Things have changed. Some things looked the same now as then. But others have become much better. And I know I want to find another larp where she can turn up, soon again.