Her sweet smile

Two songs by Dido exist on Vincent. One for leaving time, the other for a bitter laughter. It's the one about the bitter laughter right now.
Now how do you feel?

Oh, and did any of you ever consider that I might just be writing about girls when about love problems? Hm? No, because you, for all my tiny knowledge, don't even read this. Why do I even bother...

Want to be? Sweetheart, I am. And that is my dark voice, yes.

On a cheery note, the day shopping with Zombielicious went great! She knows just when to say "Well, then buy it!" so the most gorgeous little pumps are now ours - one pair each, of course - and also a pair of ankle-high boots, with low heel, are mine. I needed a pair of ordinary but a little bit more nice-looking "winter" shoes, if nothing else then for wearing a shorter skirt when I don't necessarily want to have to sit down after half an hour, which I have to, more or less, when wearing anything with a heel above, oh, say, 3 cm? Those both pairs cost less than one pair usually does, and considering they cost a fourth of what my two pairs that I bought last year cost... (yeah, two, during the whole year, and they were because I bloody needed them... stupid expensive Ecco...)
The book I bought, then. Huh. I never thought I would. When I was younger, I had a prying mother and was afraid what people would think, nowadays I'm still a bit stuck with some kind of worry that it's rather silly but to my relief pretty little Zombie seemed rather indifferent and I felt that, what the heck, it'll be really nice to try reading it, and anyways I could use the excuse about having it as a sourcebook for Changeling and my Tremere-ing! It's called "Grimoire for the Green Witch", and I think I will like it. I have been looking at it before. The big book of high magic didn't feel quite right, though I think it may contain some good advice.

Yes, I do believe in magic, and I also know. Like angel Gabriel said: "No, you don't. You know - there's a difference."
I think I do both, haha.

Well, the day was lovely, absolutely lovely. Gods, how I miss her when she's not here! I can indulge in girliness, as well as being just who I am, or dead serious. 's good.


A desire gripped me as I was going home, and I had to stop the car momentarily. Dear me, I'd forgotten that kind of fits. It faded, a little, but like calming waves returned some times during the evening.

In hindsight, I think going straight home would've been better, I am very tired and things felt a bit stiff, but what the heck. There was some nerdy reminiscing done, at least. Guh, I've been tired since 5 PM. Maybe being awake that late last night and going up at 10 wasn't the best idea. Oh well.

My Epistolary was yesterday's match's hero: With his squad, quickly decimated, and his familiar, who stayed quite long, he did a wonderful game. First, he unleashed two Fury of the Salamander, killing two Deathcult Assassins, two Chaos Space Marines and five or six Imperial Guardsmen. Then he killed altogether eight Raptors, one Daemonhost, wounded an Inquisitor with a Terminator Armor, and killed a Vindicare assassin (the last with his Fury of the Salamander, again).
Beat that.
As for the other squad, they stayed alive. Of the Space Wolves there was one Wolf Guard (much due to some real bad dice luck for wolf when his Long Fangs Deep Strike-d).
We won. Glory to the Immortal God-Emperor of Mankind!


Woah, spell of sleepyness. Goodnight, all. Hopefully the churning in my stomach will not do too much bad with my dreams tonight.

All in all, good day. The roleplaying with "Mr and Mrs Smith" went great, too - heh, "I kiss you!" "Oh! Eh... roll a Fortitude save >.<" "...nineteen." "Yeah, you're clear...". What, we, secrets? Me? Him? In our marriage? Noooo, surely not.
We were finally convinced that yes, Cyre was gone and yes, four years had passed. Came as... quite a shock. Our country, gone? Four years, and the war already over? We didn't sign any peace treaty, though, so technically, our country which does not have any land anymore, is still at war.
In any case, it is a sorrowful thing.

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife, oh yeah...

Well, there is no warning text, but fuck, people! You surely must have learned something by now? About moodswings, me saying what I feel Right Now and maybe not in five seconds, about how I'm so much more than meets the eye... like everyone is!
I don't like it when I feel I can't hide anything - I like to be able to say "This is me, you may look and you may see, but if I like, I can hide this or this without you worrying or noticing." That's just me, understood? Seeing and understanding is a privilege, one I prefer to though cannot always control.
Oh, screw you, I should say fuck it all and shut off instead.
I'm going to bed. This is screwed up and I don't care about dealing with this crap right now. I'm sure I'll be much more nice in the morning.


...diediedie! "Why don't you just DIE while you still have the option of doing it QUICKLY?"


No, no one needs to understand completely and I don't care whether anyone does. It's just me writing, for gods' sake!

おやすみなさい。Oyasuminasai.