Rain

I'm so messed up. Shaking. Mind and thought bouncing back and forth in madness-inducing directions. I can't say how sorry I am, because there are no words to cover it! And yet I know that feeling sorry is hardly the right reaction, but I kind of do, still.

Slightly sick feeling, in the stomach. And my head is swimming. I don't know if it's because of something bad, though.

Yeah, because... I'm supposed to do anything except write that bloody test? I'm not half finished, I just think I am and therefore I go and do other things and completely forget the time.

I wish I could remedy everything. How the hell does one do that?

My mind is not right. Misdirections. 誰の声も届かないなら私がすべて消してあげよう。もう誰もあなたを攻めはしない。さよならはまだ今は言えないから。

Jag vet inte vad jag skall ta mig till längre.

"When I saw you walk away I realized I may have hurt you without meaning to do so or knowing that I did."

And it's not even just about the present! About the now! All those things bubbling up to the surface.

Take all your guilt and lay it here with me; I will carry it for you and you shall walk unharmed. Let me bear your burden and let me suffer, for I am strong and I will not fail. Do not fear, and do not fret, there is nothing to feel sorry for. I will free you from the burden of guilt willingly, you have but to let go. Be free and know that I shall be, too, if you let me. Everything will be all right in the end.

I wish I could always believe in my own words. I'm afraid that made nothing better, really, did it? I'm confused. At the same time, I want to sing, smile, dance and just let out happiness. I feel good?

So many things at one time. Random notes and words and quotes and images and texts. It doesn't really form a theme, a cohesiveness, people. Just for one person, as usual. Just thought I'd point that out, though it kind of spoils the mood. But I can't be too careful. The paranoia is still right here.

I'm so bleeding tired that the world is lagging and my balance is... well, not working. I don't even care to tell you what time it is but this is an update even later. One half page more and then question number 4 is finished. Do that tomorrow, yes, yes, sleep now and dream pretty dreams. *falls off chair* (Woah. No typos!)