Alibi

Stone blind alibi
I will eat the lie
Find the word
Could break any spell that binds you
Prayers like ammonites
Curl beneath the lights
How I long to
Bite any hand that feeds you more
(David Gray - Alibi)


It's a rollercoaster ride,
I know it's been said before
do I want you by my side
e'en the one that still is sore?

Have you shown me that you're worth it?
Have you given me the space?
All I'm doing seems a gambit
it's not just the latest craze.

There's another paradox
nothing new to me at least
bending up the other locks
rusted shut and guardian beast.

You can fall back on your life, dear
and survive I always do
trying daring letting one near
strive to make you not hurt too.



...I managed to write a poem, just like that, just now. And finish it. There is still hope, there is still hope! Sounds quite like what I use to write, with strange allusions and synonyms, a lot crammed into a tiny sentence and a play with rhythm and stanza. Oh, so I'm not entirely sure what all those fancy words are about poetry, but anyways. The last line gave me troubles. Throughout the whole poem there were words I tried to avoid like a Banal fire, such as mushy-mushy "love" or "passion" because they really didn't fit here. It takes a lot for that! The last line, then. I didn't want to use "try", so I decided between "aim" and "strive", but I figured "strive" worked better. What do you think?
And yet, it's not like what I used to write. There's a difference, another kind of depth. I have more experience, of course, I have lived another few years. As always, in a way it is directed vaguely at some people or so, in another it really isn't. It is a description of a process in me, yet it's completely separate. In one or two of the parts the theme of them goes from one to a related but completely different one, one is extrovert another is introvert... The very mentioning of "paradox" is not surprising, really, but I felt it was needed here. It is about me and it is not, but I think it does tell something about what I am trying to endeavour right now, in my life and with it.

In many a way, it really isn't a good poem. It can even be called "bad". But I have to start somewhere. I like to play with words.