Olya

...means "much".


Let me go. Please, oh, please, release me, stop time if that is what it takes, make the winds go silent and have the sun turn its face. But let me go. Scotland is starting to call, again, silently, carefully, or maybe it does so through the memories, but the call is there. I hear it in the songs, I feel it in the air, I can see it before me. I wish, as much as I wish not, that I had more pictures taken. To help me remember. Remember the perfect wilderness, the beauty, the silence, the places. It is the north-west coast calling now, the west, though Edinburgh is ever present. The coast, and the trip, where we had nothing but sun. Words fail, and I cannot explain, cannot describe. There's just this memory of silence in the car, and a landscape that defies my words slowly passing by our windows.

Scotland, I miss you.

Give me a car and some money, and I'll cruise the place 'till I get bored. That might take a while. QUITE a while. It's about the place itself, the nature, the very thing that I can look, and marvel, and do not grow weary of it.
Does anyone understand my feeling?

Which is a bit like asking a very stupid question, but there you go. On to other things.

Worked Thursday to Sunday this weekend. Had to say goodbye (where is the good in goodbye) to wolf, my fox, in Nynäs, and the reality of that goodbye comes and goes. Right now, I am back in the apartment, it looks nothing different, as if we both still lived here. It's just that he won't come in through the door at any moment. The week when he's studying here on the island, is the Week of Doom at work - people gone, on holiday etcetera, and I SHOULD be able to work all week, in fact, I am, but I asked not to - because it might be the last time I see my foxling until Christmas. Not probable, but possible. In any case, it has been solved fairly well.
But I so miss him.
For all that I fall in love with people to my right and left, he's the one I want to have by my side for the rest of my life. And it is really, really odd not to be able to rest beside him, share a hug, a kiss. One year, eh. Just because we've done it before, and looking back at it, most of our time as a couple has been spent in two different locations, doesn't mean I neither like nor enjoy it. Or want it that way.

Work, in general, is quite decent. I feel fine doing it, and the hours fly by. I work with some awesome people, and some that are all right. It is often quite fun, though sometimes stressful. I really don't like it when we have to stay for an hour or so afterwards and stock up, I want that done during the day, but people aren't exactly hot on doing it while there's a lot of other things, most rather more exciting and fun, to do. I'm going to become an expert on that bloody stock, in all probability. And I'm all for starting to close up fifteen minutes before closing time, you know, just put away the colours, the brushes and stuff, instead of having to chase kids out of the store five minutes past. Because it's not fun to quit work at 8, and then have an unpaid hour of fixing after that...
Oh well. They've seen nice sides of me. They'll see the bitch, too, in time.
I am working well, doing what shall be done, and even holding an intro game every now and then. So far, I've had two, in 40K both, but at least I hold them. WHFB is just so much trickier, so much less logical and so much more strategical. And so much more to do! And LotR I havnae even started with. I feel a bit bad for handing all those over to the others, but I'm a whiz at the till and at stocking up, so it probably evens out. I do hold some intro paintings, too. Just take a deep breath, and take the plunge.

All in all, I'm surprised. This is a job I sort of like, and which doesn't have me screaming "no, no, I don't want to" when I wake in the mornings. And I earn quite a bit of money, too. Of course, THAT won't be of any use until next month, when I get my first pay, and until then, I have no choice but to borrow money from someone. I didn't have to count for more than a few minutes to reach that conclusion. I'll be able to pay back, no problem, but I need, really desperately need, to borrow a few thousand SEK, until the 25th. Otherwise, no food, no rent, no travels and no nothing. Yay for money. They hate me.

So... I'm working a bit irregularly this month. Thursdays to Saturdays, two Wednesdays, sometimes less, sometimes more. It's fine by me. The travelling is not a problem, it feels all right. What is a bit heavy on me, is that I don't have a permanent place to stay. I'd like a room which I could rent by-the-night, and leave some small stuff in. Switching living every night, or every once in a while, and toting the bag around, I admit it, it is a bit heavy on me. I want a room, where I can fall dead on the bed after a long day, and just be alone. There's always people, always people around in the store, except when you're down in the storage room. And, me being me...
A permanent room would also make it easier if ever I wished to go someplace else to visit people. Oh well.

So, now, I have to clean, and wash the dishes up, and start... start moving things about. As if foxling didn't live here. To make room for my brother. I like the bedroom better, MUCH better, than the living room, but it's too small, and too dark, for me to feel like I want to live in it. So I'll do something nifty to the living room, I suppose. Dearest little fox, little wolf. How I miss you. It will be so long before kisses, hugs, again.

But being back on the island is bliss. Calm, nice, and beautiful. I'm no fan of Stockholm, even if I don't particularily hate the place.

I'm rummaging around in the apartment, which feels odd, to make place in what is at the moment the bedroom for my youngest brother, Sludgecrawler, and make the livingroom my room.

Apart from that, there is SO MUCH TO DO. Sewing, cleaning, washing, dishes, studies, argh argh. One thing at a time.