Caurë

...means "fear".

Pissed off beyond recounting. It's been a bad week, and it's not looking up.

Saturday: The bad news on work and such. Exhausting day.

Sunday: Missed bus by, oh fifteen steps. Good things: Roleplaying.

Monday: Pain in the side, as per usual. I try to tell it to go away. Good things: Roleplaying.

Tuesday: Found I have lost my metro-card somewhere, it still has almost a month to go. Still not found. Bus left from wrong platform.

Wednesday: Worked with Limey who was lazy as per usual. Had to do the usual stuff in the store when I've nae been working for a few days - clean the kitchen, do a great big bloody stockup (though I suggested Kerk do the colours, and he did - the other two didnae lift a fething finger all day desspite the big boxes with stuff I brought up) and then, as the day was over, hoover well and proper. Because whoever works on Tuesday nights, hint hint, doesn't, apparently.
And then came iai, blessed iai... or so I thought. A little peg on my iai case finally gave way and thunk, down onto the bench, and the saya was broke again. Worse, this time. I WAS planning on attending tomorrow's practice, too. And Sunday's all-day practice. FUCK.
I honestly have no idea of how to fix it well. It's broken in such a bad and icky place. The only real solution is to go to Japan and have a new one made.

Iai is important. It is more important than anything else. It is what makes everything else bearable. It is more important than fox, than love, than life, than work, than money. Than everything. It is my one solid and true thing in life.

So I was upset enough to cry openly, and sure enough, the nose started to bleed. From the left nostril, this time... it's been the right one lately. Then, both, but, oh well. I was as mad as mad can be all the way home. Because anger overrules despair.

My sword. FUCK this, damn it! This is not supposed to happen!

And I've still got three days of work with annoying Yule shoppers to go. Or Christmas. Because that's what most celebrate. Morons.


Update next day:
Hid away in stockroom all day. Big order came in = El very happy.
Fun evening.
Great practice - am borrowing saya from Henry-sensei (chipped and broken and bad, but by the gods, I can use it). Maybe will send saya to Japan and, at same time, buy new one. We'll see.

In any case - Throne, how much better everything became. Full moon. Expecting dreams like tonight's, but better. I hope.