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And the world goes on as before even though it's ended and if I could remove everything about me that is bisexual and polyamorous I would. I really, really, really would. It's destroyed one of the most beautiful things in the world and it's caused pain to others and it hasn't given me nearly enough to compensate. And I would take it all back and I would forget everything that was something that caused this and I really would like that knife now, because I am the way I am and usually that's a good thing but right now I damn it all to hell and back. I don't want to be this way anymore. It's destroyed everything because I couldn't make myself be any other way.

And last night I had the worst nosebleed ever. It was, very literally, like a water tap. No trace of dripping. It was like running water.

I don't regret whatever good came out of loving others. Comes. What. Ever.
But I do regret that I was made in the way that I can't stay monogamous and monoamorous. And that my love, which is so easy, causes hurt. Hurt to others.

And I hate that what most invades my thoughts right now is all the practical stuff. Telling people. Material things. Not living together. Completely losing that one stable point. I need one stable point. It takes me years to acquire one, to feel that way about something. And it's probably going now.
We're going to keep talking about it. It's rather undramatic that way, and we're not screaming and yelling. We hug and we love and we like eachother still. We've still got friends over and we're going to keep roleplaying and stuff. But it's ended because even though the relationship itself was a strong and good one, and with many good things in it, the two people in the relationship had one strong point where they couldn't reconcile and that broke everything.

Gods, but I love you, my fox.

All around me darkness gathers
fading is the sun that shone
we must speak of other matters
you can be me when I'm gone.