Panacea

Well. That went... uh... better. "Do you want an open relationship, then?" Thank the gods he said it, because the words were stuck in my throat, and stuck good.
Yeah. In a way.
In a way I do. He's still the one, and I still believe in us. But I'd not mind dating, and notice I use that word, which I never do otherwise, dating someone or some others. Dating in the sense of seeing someone, being in love with that one, maybe even do physical stuff, but not term said person girlfriend or boyfriend in the full sense. I'm not ready, or I don't go that far, or whatever, to have more than one, because to term anyone else "boyfriend" would be... too much? I wish there were two words for it, one for the steady, everlasting, and one for... well, I hope you get my meaning here. I wouldn't think less of any "second" person, but I just need to define wolf as being The One.
Do we have one yet? No, not really. I think what was said today need to sink in, and I think that even if his intellectual side has admitted and said that hey, it doesn't sound too strange or even wrong, his emotional needs to catch up too.
Where do we stand, then? No idea, as, true to himself, he hasn't defined anything "for us". He leaves in the afternoon tomorrow, maybe we'll have some more talk before that, but for now, I feel a bit more relaxed and not at all as smothered. I really want to be able to find others, too - which sounds a bit strange, but remember, I am most picky and fastidious. It needs to spark on several levels and in many ways, and the connection can't be something wobbly. I don't want to sleep around, by the gods, no. I just want to stop choking down the butterflies in my stomach and the swagger in my walk when I'm around some people some times.
I guess there's more to come, but for now, I need to get to bed, and sleep beside the most wonderful being in creation. One of them, I mean, there is always me. Don't really know if this is the panacea for everything, but at least it's out now. My hope is up again. Goodnight.