Nénu

I can't see your eyes anymore. It's very strange, they're right there in front of me, but I can't see them. Or see into them, maybe rather? But I've been thinking, and maybe it's more about me not letting you see into mine instead. As protection. Protection for me. I'm strong but I'm the most fragile thing in the world and you have the power to shatter me - not that I wouldn't pick myself up, but, still, and I really hate it when it happens to me.

I'm thinking back, letting my mind drift into the mists of years long gone and I don't want to repeat those words. Sure, at the time they were redundant, idiotic and completely pointless, but it still hurt to say them. I'm pretty certain I don't WANT to say them again, but what with me being me I'm not so sure this is not the time to repeat them. Same same but different.

It's the autumn. When the larp started it was summer. When it ended, autumn had arrived. It's in the wind, the woods whisper, the sea has changed colour. Autumn was always the most emotional time for me. Not necessarily about depression, but emotional. Scotland has called for years, and I always wish the summer would have lasted longer. Was this a summer of it's own kind, and now it is time for autumn and the cold death kiss of winter? I'd not be surprised. Maybe it's the melodramatic and sad feelings that are spooking around a bit too much, but, maybe it is not and if so, oh, I really hope I can flee enough to fight it out bit by bit.

Or maybe you're the one not letting me see. It's all right, but it does help change the leaves from green to gold. I guess it'll either take me time to figure out, or it'll pass. With the current mindset I'm going for option one. Best not linger too much. That satyr quote is worth clinging to. "One moment..."

I aear cân ven na mar.